Sexy vs Steady… Asking for a friend

Written while listening to Kings of Leon


In a world where we are constantly encouraged to think rationally and thoroughly, why do we throw logic out the window when it comes to love? Do you know? Because I will be the first to admit that I don’t. When faced with the choice of what appears to be sexy and what is steady? Why is it hard to choose? Perhaps it’s human nature to choose excitement over stability. I mean I get that. Spontaneous plans and adventure beat a night in. Yet in the middle of a natural disaster would you rather have Steady Eddie/Ellie by your side with a well thought out emergency plan and a well-stocked kit to boot or Sexy Steve/Steph who’s not home yet because he/she’s a free spirit and has no notion of time and is unaware that a natural disaster has even occurred. Perhaps my scenario verges on dramatic but the choice is obvious. It’s always Steady Eddie/Ellie. Yet we love, Sexy Steve/Steph.

If we were to break down the sexy behavior, what would we get?
Hot one day, and cold the next. Unacceptable behavior in our friends’ eyes and yet we willingly justify it. In the end we say we cannot possibly choose Steady because our hearts scream for Sexy. Ahh! Herein lies the root of our issues or the root of mine. My heart. I cannot speak for y’all but I can definitely say that my heart is to blame.
Blaise Pascal famously wrote

“The heart has it’s reasons, which reason knows not of”

That used to be my favorite quote when I was 12. Why I thought I had any idea of what love was at 12 is beyond me but thank you to the teacher who wrote this quote on the blackboard because it never left my heart. It was my favorite quote for years and it still is,  less so these days as it’s become too real. Selena Gomez drives the point home with:

“The heart wants what it wants”

And yet the Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things. So then why do we give it a megaphone?

If the heart is deceitful and feelings are fleeting then why are we making lifetime decisions on transitory emotions. It’s because Disney didn’t teach us that love is a choice. One that we make daily. Disney didn’t teach us that love grows. We missed a lot after “and they lived happily ever after”. A lot that I’m still learning, and trying to figure out. What I do know is that, these fleeting feelings are kind of like rose-tinted glasses. They don’t let us see or think objectively. It’s easy to see when you’re on the outside looking in, your feelings aren’t involved. Which is why I am able to tell my friends that they deserve better, it’s easy to see as much. Oh but I’ve been on the other side of this. My Sexy Steve had a French accent and looked like Ryan Reynolds. He for sure made my knees go weak, he was fun, flirty and spontaneous. I could only thank my friends for being honest with me and helping me to take off the glasses long enough to see that I was not headed down a good path. So here is my question, how do you break it down to your friend that the person that they’re interested in just isn’t into them? Do you tell them in a loving manner or do you stay back as you watch them bend until they break? What makes a good friend? One that stays back and waits for the heartbreak or one that aims to bring clarity to the matter before heartbreak ensues?


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